Seeking forgiveness.
Buffy was beyond exhausted, not just physically but emotionally too. She sighed deeply as she headed up the foot path that lead to her mother’s house, the hairs on the back of her neck began to rise. Feeling her slayer senses go into over drive at the presence of a vampire, she knew she had no reason to panic. Buffy had become aware and alert when he was near, she could always feel him.
Stopping short of her stairs that would lead her to her front door, she took a much needed deep breath.
“What do you want Spike?” she asked, frustrated. A part of her was overjoyed that he was here but another part of her was dreading what he was going to say to her. She turned to face him and watched as he stepped out from behind a nearby tree.
“Knew I was there, huh?” he smiled.
“I always know when you’re near.” She all but whispered. Spike was shocked by her response.
“And why is that then?” He asked, stepping towards her. Buffy quickly put her head down, hiding her blush and not knowing how to answer his question.
“I’m not in the mood for 20 questions, Spike. What do you want?”
“To apologize.”
Her head shot up and met his gaze, he’d taken a few steps forward and was now standing in front of her.
“What?” she whispered.
“I acted like a git.”
She laughed softly, waiting for him to continue. “I reacted badly and I’m sorry… I was just… wasn’t expecting it is all.”
“And you think I was?” she snapped.
“Buffy, for over a hundred years it wasn’t possible for me to have children so when you told me I was….” he met her eyes. “There aren’t words for it and I know you’re probably scared and shocked and I should have thought of your feelings too, instead of just walking out but I just need some time and space to think.” Spike tried his best to explain.
“So you’ve had both time and space now? You’re here, so that has to mean that you’ve decided whether you want to be a part of her life or not?
“Are you kidding me? Of course I want to be a part of her life. I’m sorry about before, I wasn’t expecting it. This right here,” he placed his cold hand against her flat belly. “You have given me the most amazing gift. The fact that you actually want me to be a part of her life, I don’t have words to explain the way I feel.”
Buffy looked up in shock. Did he really think she would keep him away from his own child?
“Spike, this baby is as much yours as it is mine. I’m not going to stop you from seeing her.”
He smirked.
“You keep saying her.”
“Yeah, I know that its to early to tell but I don’t know,” she smiled. “A part of me just… knows. She’s a little girl.. I feel it.”
“I’ve never doubted your senses before so, a girl it is.” They smiled softly at one another before Spike reluctantly removed his hand from her belly.
“When I heard her heartbeat in the crypt I-I thought it was Soldier Boy’s kid…. Buffy, I don’t want to cause any problems between you two but to be honest, he isn’t the kind of person I want around my daughter.” Buffy understood Spike’s request.
The first time Spike and Riley had met, Riley had been working for a government organization that experimented on all things strange. That thought alone made Buffy nervous.
A child born from a slayer and a vampire, she’d never heard of such a thing and could only see her child as becoming something of high interest to study. Buffy was only glad that the initiative was gone still felt the need to be on constant guard.
“You don’t have to worry about that,” she met his eyes. “Riley and I broke up tonight.”
Spike was shocked but relived to hear that captain cardboard was out of the way. Maybe there was a chance that he and Buffy could make things work as a real family.
“You told him about the baby and he broke it off with you?”
“Uh, not exactly. I didn’t get that far into the conversation, which is probably for the best. It really creeps me out how excited those initiative guys would be if they heard of my baby. Part slayer, part vampire… it shouldn’t be possible.”
“It is worrying.” Spike’s brow creased.
“I know,” Buffy sighed. “I’ll just have to be extra careful… I told him about the prophecy and he wasn’t happy at all,” she let out a bitter laugh. “He actually said I should let the world go to hell.”
“Selfish git.”
“Pretty much,” Buffy nodded. “It wasn’t until he called me a whore that I told him it was over between us.”
Spike’s face went red with rage.
“That bastard. I’ll kill him!” He hissed, turning to head down the drive way but Buffy quickly stopped him.
“Spike, please.” She begged, grabbing his jacket and making him face her. “Riley is out of our lives now,” her voice softened. “I really want to keep it that way.”
“But he can’t just get away with saying something like that to you,” Spike snapped out ragged.
“And he didn’t,” a smile crept onto her face. “I left my mark on him.” Spike smiled at her tone.
“That’s my girl.”
“Your girl?” Buffy asked, still holding onto his jacket. Spike smiled, slowly bringing his arms down to wrap around her waist but she was quick to push him away.
“We can’t do this, Spike.”
“Why?”
Buffy didn’t know. Every part of her ached to be with him but something was holding her back.
“I’m not ready,” she took a step back. “This is all moving so fast. I feel like we’re doing everything backwards. I just broke up with Riley, I think I just need some time alone.” She whispered, meeting his eyes, instantly regretting her decision when she saw the hurt in his eyes.
“Fine. Take all the time you want, slayer.”
Her heart broke at the sound of him calling her slayer. She watched him storm down the footpath and into the darkness as she wrapped her arms around herself.
“Nice work, Buffy.” She scolded herself. With a sigh, she turned and walked into the house. She wasn’t shocked to find her mother waiting for her in the kitchen with two hot cups of coco. She smiled at this, eagerly taking the cup from her.
“How did it go?” Joyce asked, taking a seat across from her daughter.
“Well, let’s see. I told Spike that I was pregnant with his baby and he walked out without so much as a goodbye, then I went and told Riley about the prophecy and what I did with Spike and he called me a whore, which of course led to me dumping him. Then I get back here and find Spike waiting for me outside and he tells me he’s sorry and wants to be part of our child’s life and for us to be together,” she took a deep breath. “And me being the idiot I am, tells him I don’t want to be with him.”
“Oh, Buffy.”
“I don’t even know why I said it to him. I mean, I have feelings for him, we’re having a baby. It makes sense for us to be together but I just feel… off about it. Like we’re doing everything backwards… sex, baby then dating,” she sighed. “It’s all back to front. This baby was foretold and I couldn’t have done anything to change this but I’m scared mom… I’m scared that I’ll jump into a relationship with him and it will all fall apart. Just like it always does, just like it did with Angel and Riley. I can’t risk that, it’s not just my heart on the line anymore I have to think about this baby too.”
“Sweetie, why not just tell him that? I’m sure Spike will understand.” Her mother sighed, walking around the kitchen bench to place a supportive arm around her daughters shoulder, hugging her to her chest.
“I don’t know what I would do without you mom. You’ve been so great about all of this.”
“You’re my little girl Buffy and I will support you no matter what.”
“Oh god!” Buffy suddenly groaned, clutching her tummy.
“What’s wrong sweetie? Is it the baby?”
“No, it’s something else,” she gasped, struggling to breath. “Something’s wrong… Spike!” She gasped, jumping from her seat and bolting out the back door leaving a shocked Joyce behind her.
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