Acceptance
It had been almost three weeks since Buffy and the gang had uncovered the meaning of the prophecy. The information the watchers council had sent them had proven to be extremely useful.
The prophecy seemed to be iron clad, with neither Giles nor Willow being able to find a loop hole and Buffy was coming to accept the fact that she may just have to go through with sleeping with Spike.
The thought of sleeping with Spike both scared and excited her and Buffy had found herself involuntarily getting closer and closer to Spike. They started patrolling together almost every night and spent that time getting to know each other better.
The truth was, her feelings for Spike were changing and growing. She considered him a friend now and while Spike knew there was something Buffy wasn’t telling him, he never pushed her, he knew that with time she would feel comfortable enough to tell him what was on her mind.
Buffy had found herself pulling further and further away from Riley. She found it hard to be around him knowing about the prophecy and what it was she had to do. It was hard to look at him when her feelings for Spike clouded her mind.
Riley was constantly asking her if everything was alright between them but as always, she had insisted that everything was fine. They hadn’t been intimate with each other for weeks, they would start but as soon as they came close to coming together Buffy would feel something inside her say that this was wrong and she would quickly make up some excuse and dart out the door.
Now Buffy was headed for the Magic Box, Giles and the gang had only stopped researching to eat and go to the bathroom. No one had been home in what felt like weeks. They took turns going home for no longer than six hours to squeeze in some comfortable sleep. The table not being very comfortable with all the books strewn across it’s surface.
Buffy had decided enough was enough, her friends had gone far and beyond to find a supernatural loop hole but the fact was… there wasn’t one. She had accepted that and it was time her friends did too.
Walking into the Magic Box, Buffy put on her “resolve face” as Willow called it and made a bee line straight for Giles and the gang. They all glanced up from their books upon hearing her approach.
“B…Buffy, we still haven’t found…” Giles sighed. “We still have 48 hours,”
“Enough,” she simply stated, Giles raising his eyebrow in question.
“Pardon?”
“Enough… I appreciate everything you guys have done, but it’s over. There is no loop hole. No get out of jail free card. Not this time.” Buffy met her friend’s eyes; they looked so tired, so defeated, faces pale and drawn out, eyes red and swollen. It was clear that they hadn’t had a good sleep in weeks.
“Buffy, don’t give up.” Willow said, trying to not sound defeated. She stood and walked around the table to place a hand on Buffy’s shoulder in support..
“I’m not giving up,” Buffy sighed. “I’ve just accepted the fact that there is no loop hole. Go home guys, eat a real meal, get some sleep. I’ll be fine…really.”
“Buff, you can’t be serious? Do you really expect us to just go home while you go looking for a vampire to… proposition?” Xander asked, standing from his seat. He was clearly annoyed and Giles thought it best to stop the discussion before it turned into a heated argument.
“Buffy, may I have a word?” When Buffy nodded waiting for Giles to continue he gestured towards the training room. “Privately.” Glancing at Xander one last time, she walked out the back with Giles right behind her, closing the door and coming to stand in front of her.
“Buffy, please listen to me…” he started, but she quickly cut him off.
“No! You listen to me… I know you’re worried and that you probably think I feel defeated or that I’m giving in but I’m not, okay. I’ve just accepted it,” she tried her best to explain.
“Accepted what? That you have to compromise your dignity in order to fulfill this prophecy?” He yelled, making Buffy jump in surprise.
“Do you think I want to do this? I don’t. But Giles, my dignity will remain intact long after this is over…” Taking a deep and much needed breath, she continued.
“Please, don’t fight me on this. You guys have searched and searched for a loop hole in this prophecy and if there was one you would have found it by now. You’re all tired and exhausted…..Go home and get some rest.”
“We’ll keep searching….”
“It’s pointless, Giles.”
“I’m so sorry Buffy,” he whispered, knowing she was right, that if there was a loop hole they would have found it by now. He felt like he had somehow failed her as a watcher. This was one battle he couldn’t help her fight.
“What are you apologizing for?”
“For failing you,” he looked at the ground, unable to meet her gaze.
“You haven’t failed me, Giles. You did your job. You translated the prophecy before it was to late. I don’t blame you, I don’t blame anyone. It’s no one’s fault, it’s just the way it is and really, I’m okay with this now. I’ve had a lot of time to think it over and I’ve accept what I have to do.” Giles met her gaze with a smile; she had grown into such a strong and remarkable woman over the years.
“I’m so proud of you.” Buffy smiled, instantaneously wrapping her arms around Giles in a strong embrace. Giles let his own arms wrap around her smaller frame, feeling like a father embracing his child. He only let go when she pulled back.
“Do you have any p-particular vampire in mind?” He asked, hesitating.
“Spike… I’ve uh… been spending a lot of time with him lately, just in case…” Buffy trailed off. “W-Willow said he can’t physically hurt me so…” Giles nodded his head in understanding.
“The devil you know.” He couldn’t help but say.
“Yeah,” she smiled.
“I think I should be there… When it happens for your…uh, protection.”
“I can’t, Giles. Knowing you’re in the house while me and Spike are….” Buffy let out a cough. “No. I’ll be fine, I’ll keep a stake and cross nearby and with the chip in his head he can’t hurt me. Besides even when Spike was at full killing capacity he couldn’t best me,” she said smiling at the memory of “dancing” with Spike, she had always enjoyed it.
“I understand,” he replied, sighing.
“So… I guess now all that’s left to do is see what Spike says and I’ll let you know, okay.”
Giles could only nod his head in response.
“Giles,” he looked up hearing Buffy call his name.
“I’ll be okay. I promise,” she smiled, reassuringly.
“I know,” he smiled back.
“Send the gang home, please. Tell them if they really want to help they’ll get some rest,” she smiled one last time before walking out the back door. She knew she should have said goodbye to her friends but she just couldn’t face the twenty questions she knew they would have. She didn’t think she could handle it and right at that moment. Besides, she was on a mission.
She had to go proposition a vampire.
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