William was still reeling from what Buffy had just said as he slowly walked down to the kitchen. Everyone was sitting at the large dining table eating leftover pizza, making small talk. When he entered the room there seemed to be a silent hush come over all of them and they looked at him with questioning eyes. Restlessly, he ran his hand though his hair before leaning against the kitchen bench.

“How is she?” Giles asked. His concern was evident.

“She’s been better that’s for sure. Don’t worry I think she’s started to calm down a bit, thanks to Will and Tara.” Willow nodded smiling softly.

“Dude what happened to your neck.” Xander exclaimed, pointing to the bite mark on his neck. William’s hand instinctively covered the mark, in a weak attempt to protect Buffy and her wild actions.

“I’m fine it’s nothing.” He mumbled trying to dismiss it.

“Did she bite you?” Dawn asked, rising from the table and walking past him with a plate of pizza.

“Yeah. But its okay our conversation just got a bit heated is all. Nothing to worry about really.” Dawn nodded and she headed for the stairs.

“Dawn where are you going?” William asked his sister, taking his weight off the bench, getting ready to follow her if need be.

“To give Buffy some lunch. She has to eat you know.”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

“Spike she died saving me. She’s not going to hurt me.” Her voice was so confident he gave in watching his sister walk up the steps, the plate of pizza clutched in her hands. He had to trust her. Dawn slowly walked up to the door and tapped on it lightly. When she got no answer she bravely opened the door and stepped inside the room. She was sitting near the window staring out it. Dawn slowly put the plate on the end of the bed before she spoke.

“Buffy." she said softly. Buffy whipped around at the sound of Dawn's voice making Dawn jump slightly the suddenness of this.

"It's okay niblett. You don't need to be afraid." She reassured Dawn as she moved to sit her on the bed. Dawn cautiously sat down too, looking at Buffy with sadness in her eyes.

“Buffy are you going to be okay?"

"Oh Dawnie don't worry about me. I’ll get through this some how but I need you to know no matter what happens, no matter where I am I’ll always love you." Buffy said lovingly touching her face.

"Are you going some where?"

“Maybe. But let’s keep that between you and me for now okay." Dawn nodded slowly before looking up at her with tears in her eyes.

"This is all my fault if it wasn't for me you never would have had to jump and everything would be okay."

"No Dawn don't talk like that, this was never your fault. I did what I had to it was always my choice. Remember that. No one forced me and I would do it again in a heartbeat, you are so important to me Dawn and I will always be with you." Dawn smiled at this.

“Here I brought you up something to eat, thought you would be hungry and all. Its just leftover pizza though. If you want I can go and fix you something else….”

“Dawnie don’t be silly. Leftover pizza is fine.” Buffy took a piece of pizza off the plate and bit into it. Satisfied, Dawn stood to leave.

“I’ll be back up later to get your plate yeah?” Buffy nodded her head. Dawn smiled at her again and left the room, closing the door behind her.

Dawn had gone back downstairs to finish her lunch but what Buffy had said to her was still playing on her mind. She knew Buffy didn't want William to know she was planning on leaving. Every part of her wanted to do anything she had to stop her from leaving her. She didn’t want to lose her again.

Buffy sat on William’s bed with the phone clutched to her ear. She needed help and she was calling the only other person in the whole world that would come close to understanding what she was going through.

"Hello Dru investigations we help the helpless. How can we help?"

"Drusilla?" Buffy whispered softly.

"Buffy, Buffy is that you?" She could hear the concern in Dru's voice and was a little surprised. They had never really seen eye to eye in the past. However it was evident that William had rang her and told her what happened.

“Buffy are you okay?"

“No, I’ll never be okay. Not now, not ever again... I told him that no one could understand but you can. Can't you... you know how it burns don't you?" Buffy rambled out.

“Yes I know Buffy."

"I need your help... will you help me?" She sobbed, tears coming from no where.

“I’ll help you.... I’m coming to get you okay?"

"No. They won't let you. They won't let you take me... I'm going to leave to night I’ll come to you." Buffy heard footsteps in the hall and as the door opened she saw William standing in the doorway.

"Buffy give me the phone." He said calmly, slowly walking towards her with his hand out, expecting her to give the receiver to him willingly. She clutched the phone to her chest tears still streaming down her face.

"I have to go to her Spike. You have to let me go." She whispered to him her voice cracking. She could hear Dru calling her name through the phone. William moved closer to her, hand still outstretched.

"No I can help you." He tried to convince her. He didn’t want to lose her again.

"No you can't. You don't have it in you Spike. I’m sorry." she replied shaking her head.

"Please Buffy...." He didn't get to finish. Buffy suddenly swung the phone receiver at him and it connected with his head, hard. The sheer force knocked him to the floor and he realized he was seeing stars. By the time he got up she was gone.

It hadn't taken Buffy long to get to L.A once she had stolen a car. Thankfully it was an automatic so all she had to do was put her foot on the gas and steer. Her head was still pounding with the thousands of screams and nameless faces. She had decided to head straight for Dru and instinctively dumping the car a few blocks away she headed for the one person who was going to help her. When she walked in the front door of the hotel Dru was sitting in the foyer as if waiting for her to arrive. Buffy gave her a weak, relieved smile before she was hit with a sudden wave of dizziness. Dru raced to her side, catching her before she hit the floor. She could tell that the girl’s adventures had finally taken there toll on her. Dru gently picked Buffy up in her arms and laid her down on the couch while Cordy got her a glass of water. She sat up to sip the glass while Dru positioned herself on the coffee table in front of the couch.

"Guys, can you give us a minute?" She asked looking up at Cordy, Wes and Gunn who were all looking on with curiosity. They had all been told what had been going on in Sunnydale but the last thing they expected was for Buffy to turn up here. They all slowly nodded, walking out of the foyer.

"I don't remember anything... could it be that there is no hell?" Buffy whispered to her.

"No there’s a hell I’ve been to it."

"I’m so lucky to have someone who understands... you never had that did you?"

"I wasn't your fault." Dru tried to reassure her.

"No but so much is."

"It's going to be okay." Dru reassured her.

“I knew you would help me... knew if I could only get to you... you'll make the pain stop won't you?" she whispered happily.

"It takes time Buffy."

"Takes moments... do it... now." she whispered baring her neck to the souled vampire.

"What?" Dru gasped standing.

“Make me what I was again. Please." she begged rising off the couch and standing to face her.

"Buffy..."

"You said you'd help me." Buffy felt herself getting angry.

"And I will but not like this." she replied, shaking her head and stepping back from her.

"Turn me back... oh god, I can't bear this pounding in my chest of another instance." She cried.

"It’s a gift don’t you get that... to feel that heartbeat to know that your truly alive... your human again Buffy. Do you know what that means?" she replied.

"Of course I do it means pain, suffering, disease and death... please just turn me back."

"No... Buffy please." She turned to confront the voice coming from the door although she already knew who it was. William’s hair was wild and he was a little out of breath. She really wasn’t too surprised he had found her here. He slowly approached her.

"Buffy..." He started again.

"God Spike why won't you just leave me alone."

"Please Buffy I just wanna help you."

"Well I don't want or need your help." she said raising her voice at him. Dru stepped between them to try and calm the situation.

“Okay you both need to calm down."

"Dru stay out of this, it’s none of your business." William snapped at her.

"It became my business when Buffy came looking for my help." Dru snapped back.

"Buffy we both just want to help you but it’s up to you what happens. Your more then welcome to stay here or you can go back with Spike. It’s your choice." Dru informed her softly. Buffy looked at William he was beside her now. Taking a step towards him she cupped his cheeks in her hands and she felt him into her touch.

"I need time... time to heal and work through things, Dru understands.... you need to leave me alone... I'm sorry... William." She said softly as if a whisper. She let her hands fall from his face and walked past him and up the stairs.

"You must be loving this." William hissed at Dru.

"You just couldn't let me be happy." he continued to rant.

"You think I wanted this? All I want is to help Buffy... you have no idea what its like to of done the things we have done and to care... believe it or not Spike this isn't about you and what you want, its about Buffy and what she needs." Drusilla snapped at him before storming past him and up the stairs to help Buffy get settled in. William let a silent tear roll down his cheek before wiping it away. He could feel his heart breaking, feeling as though he had lost her already and fearing he would never get her back.  

   
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