Chapter 10
Four years of Spike
Spike sat on the couch nervously waiting for Buffy who was upstairs
showering and changing into her night clothes. He wondered how he would
tell her the story of his life for the past four years. Where should he
begin? To tell the truth his life for the past four years had been
pretty dull, lonely, and sad without her.
He was swiftly jarred from his thoughts when he heard Buffy coming down
the stairs. He almost groaned out loud at the sight of her golden wet
locks sitting loosely around her shoulders. She wore only a very short
dark blue satin nightie. When she sat next to him he had to suppress
another groan as he watched her nightie rise up higher on her thighs
forcing himself to look anywhere but her tan exposed legs.
“So, are you going to tell me what Parker was talking about?” Straight
to the point. That was the Buffy he knew and loved. Sighing he prepared
to tell her what had happened that day four years ago.
“You had left for New York about two weeks beforehand and I was walking
to my English Lit. class when I saw Parker and his wanker mates. I was
just going to walk straight past them but when I heard him say your
name I couldn’t help but stop and listen…” Spike took a deep breath
before continuing. “He mustn’t have noticed me there ‘cause he just
kept talking about you. Buffy you’ve got to understand the things he
was saying, well let’s just say I quickly lost my cool.”
“What was he saying?”
“Bragging about how he had “Popped your cherry” as he put it, saying how easy you were and how bad you were…” at that being said Buffy felt beyond annoyed.
“Those are lies you know that, I never slept with Parker and he wasn’t
my first. You, well you know you were.” She finished shyly.
“I know that luv and it’s complete bollocks about you being bad,” Buffy blushed at his admission.
“Anyway I confronted him, called him a liar saying how you would
never touch him and he didn’t much like that. He said that I was just
jealous because I was in love with you and couldn’t stand the fact that
he got there first.”
“Then what happened?”
“I kinda lost it after that, beat the hell out of him. I only meant to
hit him once but by the time I was done I couldn’t seem to lift my arm.
He was taken to hospital and I was arrested.”
“Oh my god Spike!” She gasped shocked. She knew he had a quick temper
but she never would have thought that someone could ever make him go
that far.
“I know I was just so mad seeing him and his idiot mates laughing and
talking about you like that… I wanted to kill him. Might of too if
Xander hadn’t pulled me off him,” Buffy felt pride flow through her
that he would be so protective over her and defend her honor the way he
had.
“What happened after that?”
“Well I guess I scared him pretty bad because he had the charges
dropped and left town pretty quickly after that,” Buffy laughed softly.
“Sounds like the weasel I know,” they laughed together softly before
Buffy continued, “You would do all that just to protect my honor?”
“In a heartbeat,” he said without hesitation.
“I bet Dru didn’t like that,” Buffy laughed trying to keep the
conversation light while subtly mentioning Drusilla. She had never
asked what had happened between them but she always wondered.
Were they still together? Had they broken up? If so when and why? Was
she simply out of town for a while? She desperately hoped not. She
hoped Dru was no longer a part of his life or his heart.
“Um I wouldn’t know we had broken up before that,” her head shot up at this.
“What? When? Why?” she blurted out Spike laughed gently.
“The same night you and I had that fight before you left for New York.
Why you asked, because you were right about her in every way. Dru was
safe and predictable, I knew who she was and what she would do. Being
with someone else was scary, unpredictable, it’s easy to be with
someone when you don’t love them; you can’t get hurt then,” Buffy sat
there looking stunned. ‘Did he just say he never loved Dru?’
“What? I thought you were madly in love with Drusilla.”
“No, I mean at the time I thought I was but I realize now looking back,
it couldn’t have been love; would of hurt more if it was,” he said
smiling at Buffy.
“How did she take it?”
“Bad, really bad! She insisted that we belonged together, going on
about shutting out the sunshine and joining her in the darkness where I
belonged,” Buffy couldn’t help but laugh at this.
“You know how Dru got. Crazy ramblings, it got a little creepy. She was
always hanging around standing outside the apartment, calling my phone,
eventually I moved back in with dad just to escape her and it took
about six months but she finally got the message. The last I heard she
was living in England with that Lindsay fella.”
“Wow that’s intense.”
“Yeah.”
“So what about after Dru? Any major heart throbs?” she probed.
“No.” He answered simply.
“Well what about any small heart throbs?”
“No, there’s been no one, not since that night with you,” he whispered
looking down when finally admitting this. Buffy was stunned, she must
of heard wrong.
“But you and Dru were together for three weeks before I left.”
“Yeah but we never slept together in that three weeks,” he informed her.
“What? Why?”
“She asked me that same thing, and honestly I don’t know, I
just couldn’t. It felt wrong after being with you.”
Buffy felt her heart hammering in her ears, blood rushing through her
body at his admission and guilt flood into every corner of her being.
He had been celibate for the past four years, not even sleeping with
his at the time girlfriend and she on the other hand had been sleeping
with Angel for the past year. True it was over now but she couldn’t
help but feel like she had in a way cheated on Spike by being with
Angel.
“I trust you,” she whispered looking him straight in the eyes.
“What?”
“I want you to know I trust you. You have been through so much because
of me, protected me even after I had walked out of your life, you’re a
good man Spike and I trust you. I just hope one day you can forgive
me,” she finished looking down ashamed.
“For what?”
“Gee I don’t know maybe for putting you through all that, for throwing
fourteen years of friendship away and just walking out of your life.
For saying those nasty things I said to you that night, for not just
being honest and open, and I’m so sorry,” she whispered letting a lone
tear fall.
“If I remember right luv I said a few nasty things myself,” he replied wiping the tear away.
“Not like I did, I was wrong and stupid I should have just talked
to you. I just hope one day you can trust and forgive me.”
“I already do, I’ve always trusted you Buffy. You made a mistake we
both did. We should have handled things better but we’re only human. At
least we are trying to make things right now, that’s what matters luv,
I forgive you.” She sobbed softly holding him close when he moved in to
hug her, sobbing into his chest.
“Spike,” She whispered pulling back to look at him. She knew this was
it, this was the moment she had been waiting for, she was finally
ready, she wasn’t scared, it was time to tell him how she truly felt
for him. Taking a deep breath she prepared.
“Spike I lov…” She was rudely cut off by the phone
ringing. If she had a gun she would have blown it right off the wall.
“Oh god I can’t catch a break,” she whispered under her breath.
“What luv?” Smiling up at him she replied.
“Nothing, excuse me,” she smiled heading for the phone. She was only
gone a minute when she walked back into the room looking shocked and
upset. Rising to his feet Spike moved over towards her.
“What’s wrong?” He asked concerned.
“That was Willy down at the bar, it’s your dad,” she cringed and he
knew from the look on her face it was not good. He had been waiting for
his dad to hit rock bottom about losing Joyce, and it looked like he
finally had.
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